Saturday, August 31, 2013

Gag Gift Idea #1: Life jacket for new cottage owner

Idea for you -- I've already done it.

Nature's call
Someone you know just bought a brand new house. This person decided to move from a bedroom community all the way to the middle of nowhere in cottage country. Nature called him there. A house right beside a lake, hours away from the big city, and the closest town doesn't have a single big box store. The only problem is the 1.5 to 2 hour commute to work, which necessitates a second residence in the city close to work -- until he finds a new job, of course.

What to get an outdoorsman?
A ton of options exist for the outdoorsman. Having just spent a fortune on a new house, big mortgage, closing costs, and whatnot, this person could use anything and everything. He still uses a 1970s era fabric couch with a flower pattern on a beige background -- plead in vain for him to get rid of it. Unfortunately, spending at least a few hundred dollars on a new bedroom set is a bit out of the running.

The house is by a lake, how about a boat? Too expensive again. What is less than $50 and useful? A saw or axe for trimming trees on the property? Not going to be blamed when he takes a finger or two off. He's probably got al the necessities covered.

I'm with stupid
When "useful" options fail, it's time for the gag gift.

Did I mention he's a borderline alcoholic? Enjoys drinking on the deck and falling asleep in the sun on summer afternoons. More accurately, he enjoyed drinking on his backyard deck surrounded by a lush green field. The change of scenery now means that he has a deck surrounded by water on three sides and land on the fourth. Alcohol? Water? Life jacket!

I decided to get him a life jacket. The type that only as the floating part on the front, which should keep a person face up, I believe -- even if they are unconscious. Having never tested that myself, I'll just assume it's accurate.

Like this one: PFD Life Jacket

Note left on "card"
"Happy housewarming!

For your safe enjoyment of your new backyard. Hope this life jacket serves you well. I got you the face up type for when you fall asleep on your deck and accidentally roll into the lake.

See how thoughtful I am?"

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