Monday, June 17, 2013

Decaf: I Finally Understand You

Coffee makes me go crazy -- that simple.

This extremely popular hot beverage is no friend to me. Don't get me wrong, I love coffee. There's just something about that bitter taste and massive amounts of sugar.


However, my body and the caffeine just don't get along. Just a few sips and my mind starts flying twice as fast as it normally does. I've been drinking Coke et al. for most of my life. Two cans was the norm back in the day, now it's usually about one can with the occasional second. Mr.

You'd think that I'd have become desensitized. Google suggests that there's only a fraction of the amount of caffeine in a can of Coke compared to a cup of coffee though. Is it the sugar? Candy and binges of multiple cans of real, sugary coke have never posed problems before. So, my money is on the caffeine.

I Want to Run, I Want to Hide

Now, a cup of coffee does occasionally work "properly". When I've pulled an all-nighter or had barely four hours of sleep, it wakes me right up. All the other times, coffee wakes me up twice and I just need to run. Someone once recommended that I put a treadmill in my office, but who needs a treadmill when you have over five flights of stairs?

The worst part is that for some reason, I kept subjecting myself to this sensation, which I hated, for years. One summer, I probably got coffee on a daily basis and just blew my mind every single day at work. Couldn't sit still, couldn't really focus on work, and went for really frequent and quick walks.

Decaf: We Finally Meet

There was something taboo about decaffeinated coffee in my mind for the longest time. I was either afraid to ask for it, or I thought I heard something about it being toxic. Or maybe I thought it would taste bad.

One day, I worked up the courage to order a cup of decaf: I loved it. All the taste with none of the batshit craziness. Even with my usual injection of two measures of sugar, I feel mostly fine. Maybe there's a tad of hyperactivity the first half-hour afterwards on occasion, but nothing too bad.

And then, every so often, I drink some regular coffee and remind myself why I shouldn't. The reminder isn't the purpose of the action, it's just that there's usual free coffee provided at certain events and meetings and I just want something to wet my whistle. Must. Resist.