Tuesday, May 28, 2013

To: The Guy With the Toaster at his Desk

Dear Guy with the Toaster,

We share a partition and have met before, but you don't remember. A department is not shared between us, but a very large mass of dead office air is.

Every other day around 12:00pm, you enjoy cooking up your lunch in your toaster oven located at your desk, barely a few feet from me if I were to punch a hole in the wall. As a dear friend was so nice to remind me once, these walls don't block sound. This should have been obvious from the four or five feet between the top of the partition to the drop-ceiling.

The entire floor can smell your toaster. It's not just the food, it's all the crap that's fallen in there and is being recooked and burned each time you run your toaster. The smell is noticeable 30' from your cubicle half-way across the office every time I get up. Other people also notice, but are too nice to say anything to you. This is an odour that lingers and from start to finish, it lasts about twenty to thirty minutes from when you start cooking -- I've timed it many times.

Worst of all, there is a kitchen on this floor that I have seen you hang around on numerous occasions. There are also newer toaster ovens and a microwave. It wouldn't be a far stretch to assume that you would not like to share your toaster with anyone else. Fair enough. However, you have no trouble sharing the smell.

Thank you. I am so glad I only have to put up with you for a few more months.


Guy on the Otherside of Your Partition

P.S. Hurray, passive-aggressiveness!